Funny quotes & sayings

Anti-pick up lines

Nothing can be more irritating or annoying when a drunk boy or man is hitting on you. Choose one of these funny anti-pick up lines to send them packing. Have some great comebacks to cheesy pick-up lines

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you
Woman: That's all nice and all, bt would you stay there?

Man: Your body is like a temple
Woman: Yes, but there are no services today

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter

Man: So what do you do for a lving?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both, you go to yours and I'll go to mine

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down

Man: Can I buy you a drink?
Woman: Actually, I'd rather have the money

Man: Will you go out with me this Saturday?
Woman: Sorry, I'm having a headache this weekend

Man: Go on, don't be shy, ask me out
Woman: Okay, go out

Man: I think I could make you very happy
Woman: Why, are you leaving?

Man: Shall we go see a movie?
Woman: I have already seen it

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you

Man: Haven't I seen you some place before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore

Funny shopping quotes

Shopping is an ancient tradition and so are these sayings about it. Funny, humorous and sometimes hilarious shopping quotes done by shopaholics and shop lovers.

• I'm not a shopaholic, I'm helping the economy
• Just let me shop, no one gets hurt
• I could give up shopping, but I'm not a quitter
• Keep calm and go shopping
• Shortest horror story ever: 'Sold out'
• When the going gets tought, the tough go shopping
• Sweating while you shop counts as exercise
• A woman has two problems: 1) nothing to wear and 2) no room for all the clothes
• Whoever said that money can't buy happiness, simply didn't know where to go shopping
• Cinderella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life
• I feel like a failure, I've been shopping for 20 years and I still don't have anything to wear
• Dear Lord, please don't let my boyfriend be home when all my online orders arrive. Amen.
• Shopping beats therapy anytime; It costs the same and you get new clothes out of it
• Marriage is a workshop where the man works and the wife shops
• Save the earth, it's the only planet where you can buy chocolate
• Work hard so you can shop harder

Climate

Climate and climate change is a hot topic with much debate. Read some funny quotes and inspirational messages about how other people look at this subject.

• Keep the earth clean, it’s not uranus
• Humans are the only creatures on earth that will cut down a tree, turn it into paper, then write ‘save the trees’ on it
• The sun shines brighter than our future
• Caring for the earth is not a hippie thing, it’s a survival thing
• A nation that destroys its soils, destroys itself
• The movement to address climate change is about something deeper than justice, it’s about solidarity, human solidarity
• It’s easier to call vegans crazy than it is to question your morality
• Stop fighting about who created the world and start fighting against the people who are trying to destroy it
• Earth is what we all have in common
• There is nothing more frightful than ignorance in action
• To damage the earth is to damage your children
• Someone is sitting in the shade today, because someone planted a tree long ago
• If you really thing the environment is less important than te economy, try holding your breath while you count your money
• The best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago, the second best time is now
• The greatest threat to our planet is the belief that someone else will save it

Clothes

Quotes about clothes? Yes, because with the right clothes you can look better, but you need the right texts to reply to all the lovers and the haters about your style.

• Always dress like you're going to see your worst enemy

Christmas quotes

Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year and that shows in all the funny texts and quotes about all the different Christmas traditions.

• If a fat man put you in a bag at night, don't worry because I told santa I want you for Christmas
• The best way to spread the Christmas Cheer, is to sing out loud, for all to hear
• Dear Santa, I'm writing you to let you know that I've been very naughty and it was worth it
• I'm dreaming of a white Christmas, but if the white runs out, I'll drink the red
• At Christmas, all roads lead home
• Let's be naughty and save Santa the trip
• Don't blame the holidays, you were fat in August
• Christmas is the only time of year you can sit in front of a dead tree, eating candy out of socks

Christmas tree quotes

• The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree is the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other
• He who has not Christmas in his heart, will never find it under the tree
• It's not what's under the Christmas tree that matters, it's who is around it
• Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree, in the eyes of children they are all 30 feet tall
• There is no single perfect Christmas tree, all Christmas trees are perfect
• There are few things emptier than the space where a Christmas tree used to be

Christmas presents / Christmas gifts

• The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree is the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other
• I'm only once a year a morning person, on December 25th
• Keep your friends close, your enemies closer and receipts for all major purchases

Doubt

• Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother

Do you know more quotes and sayings?

Just send an e-mail to reactions [at] winkelpower.co.uk

Enemies

Read funny sayings about enemies. You've got friends and people who are not your friends and then you've got enemies. Luckily, you can laugh with them, about them with these sayings.

• Always dress like you're going to see your worst enemy

Faith

• Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother

Hate

• Hate can't be conquered with hate, only with love

Kids

Kids are an inspiration for everyone. They don't hold back and speak up regardless who's in front of them. Read the funniest quotes about kids.

• Good moms have sticky floors, dirty ovens and happy kids
• Always dress like you're going to see your worst enemy

Mistakes

• Making mistakes is better than faking perfections

Moms

Moms are the most wonderful people in the world. They care, they love, they clean, they cherish, they make jokes and they are always there for you. Read the most inspirational, thankful and grateful (and humorous) qoutes about moms.

• Good moms have sticky floors, dirty ovens and happy kids
• Music is not in the notes, but the silence in between

Music

Many songs have got lyrics, some more poetic, others more funny. Read the nice sayings about all the different aspects of music and making music.

• Music is not in the notes, but the silence in between

Miscellaneous one-liners

• If you were to go to an antique show, people would be bidding on you
• The less you respond to rude, critical, argumentative people, the more peaceful your life will become
• Jokes about communism have no class
• There are three types of people, those who can count and those who can't
• The flat-earth society has members all around the globe
• I went up to the airport information desk and asked how many airports are there in the world?

Pain

• Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother

Perfection

• Making mistakes is better than faking perfections

Prison

• Never be a prisoner of your past, it was just a lesson in life, not a life sentence

Pick-up lines

• Do you mind if I talk to you? My mother always told me to follow my dreams.
• You just dropped something... my jaw.
• Are you a piece of art? Because I'd like to nail you up on my wall
• After looking at you for 0.7 seconds, I got a headache. You can get a headache from looking at something that bright.
• You are the kind of girl my mom told me to bring to her. Will you like to go see her with me?
• My name is Will... God's will for you
• Your face is perfect... like a well put together piece of art. God did a great job on you.
• I look at you and I can only imagine how blissful my life will be, waking up next to you every morning.
• Was that you just smiling at me or the sun just coming out?
• Your eyes have told me a lot of things. The only thing they haven't told me is your name.
• I saw a garden this morning and I thought it was the most beautiful ever until I met you.
• I must be in heaven because I am looking at an angel
• There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you

Do you know more quotes and sayings?

Just send an e-mail to reactions [at] winkelpower.co.uk

Online shopping

Online shopping has taken off to never land again. The online shopping world is slightly different then the average brick-and-mortar store around the corner, which reflects in different sayings and quotes.

• I love shopping for things online, because when they arrive it's like a present to me...from me
• I love online shopping because it's frowned upon to be in a store with no bra, sweatpants and a glass of wine
• Online shopping gives me a reason to live for another 3-5 business days
• 2 things can change a women's mood online: 1) I love you 2) -50% discount

Do you know more quotes and sayings?

Just send an e-mail to reactions [at] winkelpower.co.uk

To be expected

• Chat-up lines
• Fix lines
• Friendship quotes
• Opening lines
• Pick-up lines
• Valentine's day quotes